Ramblings of a Struggling Millenial

I’ve been feeling a little lost lately; unfulfilled. There’s just something that I need in addition to everything I have and I have no idea what it is. I think it has to do with getting out of retail and getting into something else in life, but that’s all I know. I have these moments where I feel inspired to do these great things like I suddenly could accomplish everything I have ever wanted for myself, and then I’m brought back down to earth and feel this sadness over what I could have done differently in life. It’s strange that I have accomplished more in this last year than I have in my life so far, I have so much to be proud of, and all I can think about is being more. I want to be a writer and create these fantastic stories that pull at your heartstrings or scare you into using a nightlight when it’s time for bed but the self-doubt so easily and quickly creeps into your head. If only inspiration and confidence were as quick to spark as doubt. When I watch Grey’s Anatomy I want to be a surgeon, or a nurse, or a radiologist but I’ve never done well in school. I have a hard time focusing and retaining information and I’m 26 years old, it is too late for all of that for me. I understand that being 26 is still young and it probably isn’t too late for me to go back to school but I’m so tired of attempting things and failing. Does anyone actually truly know what they want to do for the entirety of their lives? Am I alone in not having a clue what I want to be when I grow up? The world feels like a harsh place and while others on this planet have it much worse than myself, and I have many wonderful things to be grateful for, it just feels like there is a constant stress involved with being an adult. I’m terrified that these stressors will never go away and I’ll never have my peace. I sat in the car with my brothers and parents today thinking about how I was glad I was on the passenger’s side seat because if we got hit from this side, I would take the brunt of the hit and my brothers wouldn’t get hit so bad. I sat in the car fighting tears about an imaginary scenario that my silly, tired brain made up for reasons I’ll never know. I then realized what was happening and just laughed at myself thinking holy crap I am insane. I try to have some type of lesson in my posts when I write but, today I just needed to ramble and get these feelings out. Thanks for staying with me til’ the end of this rambling mess of a post.

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