Why I’m Writing Again

If a story is in you, it has got to come out

-William Faulkner

I haven’t written anything in a very long time. My days of writing began in my early teens when I joined a website called Quizilla. Quizilla.com is no longer around but it was exactly what you would think from looking at the title. It was a website where people (mostly tweens like myself) would go to create quizzes like “Which member of N’sync is your soulmate?” and we would pretend or even sometimes truly believe that we had all of the information to be able to tell you that you and JC Chasez were going to get married someday and be together forever. Quizilla also served as the WattPad of today, it was filled with fan fiction stories, the most creative fictional stories you have ever read. It was a dream come true for me. I would come home from school and sit at my computer before my brothers would get home and I would read about women getting abducted and locked away in towers by gorgeous men who seemed like they were bad guys at first but then they fell in love and the guys lived and breathed for these women, it was amazing, and also a little weird in hindsight. I found myself thinking about writing my own stories because I felt like I had a story to tell, so I did it. I started writing a fanfiction series revolving around Green Day’s frontman Billie Joe Armstrong. I was in love with him and I wrote these stories for other girls that were also in love with him, I wish I could say that I am joking about this. But I can’t. I had a pretty small group of followers who read my chapters every release and I really enjoyed that I was supplying entertainment to these readers.

One day I picked up a book called Witch Child by Celia Rees, I was intrigued by the cover and the fact that the diaries of this young woman named Mary were real. At least, that’s what the book said and I believed it at the time. I finished reading the book within 2 days of having taken it out of the library, and I was obsessed with it. This book purged my interest in writing about BJ Armstrong and opened up a whole new path for my writing. This was challenging to me and I put everything I had into it, triple checking that I didn’t make any grammatical errors, making sure that the story was really cool and likable, keeping the webpage itself revolved around the topic of witchcraft and witches. I was incredibly passionate about this story and making it work and then, it flopped. I couldn’t get anyone to read it or give me any feedback on it and it depressed me. In the throes of sadness, I deleted all of my stories and my account entirely and gave up on writing. Seems a little dramatic, I know.  Life moved on and I focused my energy on boys and being a teenager, then my job. I have been working at the same company for almost 10 years and recently I have been feeling this urge to write again but I was hesitant. I was scared that I would just be wasting my time and that I wouldn’t be creative or interesting enough to get people to want to read what I write.  How could I come up with a story that hasn’t already been done?

Then just the other day, my mother tried to insert my grandfather into my life again, even though she knows that I don’t want anything to do with him.  He was on his way to my house with the expectation that I was going to talk to him and pretend that everything is fine even though we haven’t spoken in years and I was freaking out. Anxiety kicked in and took over me, I stood up and paced back and forth talking to my boyfriend about how ridiculous my mother is and trying to think of a way out of it. I couldn’t really talk to my boyfriend about it, I needed to vent out my frustrations. I needed someone, anyone to understand why I felt the way I felt about him without opening up a can of worms within my family. Finally, I sat at my computer desk and I began writing out my feelings. I was so absorbed in the writing that I noticed sometime later that the visit had already happened and I didn’t need to deal with it. I felt so much better like a weight had been lifted and I was doing what I needed to do. I looked at what I had written and I thought to myself that maybe this could help someone else out there dealing with similar things. That is why I am writing again, I feel like I have stories to tell and I hope that along the way I can help someone. It seems incredibly intimidating but also really exciting for me to have a purpose that involves more than my boring 9-5. What are some reasons that you write?

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3 thoughts on “Why I’m Writing Again

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